"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
