So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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