The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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