the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
