Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize