Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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