Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
