Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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