"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
she woke up with a sticky ear
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
