and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize