Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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