No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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