i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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