I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
