"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
