How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
