I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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