I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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