this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
