I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
