Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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