have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
