What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
