i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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