last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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