We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
