stop calling my apartment porn island.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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