If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
