I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
