So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
