Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
