I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
