I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I want to be your penis for a week.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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