Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
