I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
