I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize