New invention idea: vibrating tampons
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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