I hate all girls vehemently.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
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