Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
