you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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