You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
