I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I came so hard my ears popped.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize