she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
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