i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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