you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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