You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
