Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
