ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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