I wanna passion pit in your ass
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
