I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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