The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
