did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
