She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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