xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
