Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
