I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
