Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
