Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
