so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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