i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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