He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
