Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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