is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
