you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
