About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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