You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
